Americans from all shades of the political spectrum got more than they bargained for when they tuned in to Monday’s James Webb Telescope preview party. In the middle of the big announcement, a blank-faced Joe Biden suddenly babbled a cryptic line of disconnected nonsense. Quickly, the palace press corps disconnected his mic as they declared it was time to clear the press out of the room. The picture was cool but everyone forgot all about it.
Webb upstaged by Biden
What could go wrong? The palace propaganda ministry pondered. Joe Biden really needs something to give him some popularity with the people. Kamala Harris needs to be seen in public, too.
The palace media department could give both a boost at the same time, by having them drop a sneak peek from the James Webb Space Telescope, a full day before it goes live in it’s grand opening extravaganza. They soon learned there are some questions it’s better not to ask.
Conservative Americans put aside their ire at His Imperial Wisdom Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. and Vice Empress Kamala Harris, in the name of science and what was expected to be a spectacularly impressive teaser image.
Thousands tuned in to the special James Webb Telescope preview special at the White House YouTube channel. And waited. And waited.
For nearly 45 minutes beyond the scheduled start of the program, the anxious audience was treated to a calming blue slide proclaiming “We Will Begin Shortly” It went on to advise that Biden and Harris were to receive a “briefing on James Webb Space Telescope images.” Well, sort of. Everyone knows it’s just to get Joe some good publicity.
That’s all anyone got to see until the – 21:06 mark, which is when the slide changed to the familiar hexagons of the telescope and a cheerful and smiling sign language interpreter. She stood there waiting another 3 minutes until about -18:20.
The show begins
Karine Jean-Pierre took over for Jen Psaki as Minister of Propaganda on Friday, May 13. That could have been a voodoo omen for her career. She was first to take the microphone on the nifty stage they had set up for the James Webb festivities.
It looked like a Hollywood sound stage. That effect might not have been so pronounced if the camera had panned in to chop off the stage lights above the obviously prop scenery. The graphics, everyone can agree, were interesting.
Present at the meeting besides Ms. Jean-Pierre were Joe Biden, Kamala Harris and a pair of representatives from NASA. Three more team members appeared on screen. Karine did a great job of introducing the historic occasion and opportunity to view the highest resolution image of the infrared universe anyone has ever seen. Of course she plugged the Webb Telescope as the most powerful telescope anyone has ever made. She instantly handed the show to Kamala. America learned that Kamala Harris happens to be chair of the national space council.
After that, it was clear she struggles to read even simple English phrases from a teleprompter. Painfully, she struggled through what the staffers had prepared for her. Of course, it was all a global and international effort. NASA just turned the wrenches. The newest space telescope is a super piece of gear and the whole planet will get to play with it. After that, she gave Joe the most glowing hand-off she could think of. It went whizzing right past him as he sat there looking like he was on Ambien or something.
Joe did a better job than Kamala at reading his teleprompter. He apologized for being the one making everyone late. He’s headed off to Saudi Arabia tomorrow and got wrapped up in his packing. He hinted at a bigger program to come, as he got back on script when briefly sidetracked. They finally got to show the image, and the NASA representatives had their say. Administrator Bill Nelson mentioned what you’re seeing is the area covered by a grain of sand on your finger with your arm outstretched. We’re looking back 13.5 billion years and almost all the way back to the big bang itself 13.8 billion years ago. We were supposed to get to meet Greg Robinson as part of the program. Everything was fine until Bill Nelson stopped talking.
Joe Biden, slurring like he had a stroke, stunningly filled the silence gap with the cryptic phrase: “That’s amazing. I wonder what the press like in those other places.” That’s the point they pulled his plug. The look on the interpreter’s face was priceless, if a little hard to catch for a screenshot. “Time for the press to leave and then we’ll continue the briefing.” Everyone looked at each other in silence and everyone forgot all about James Webb as that blue slide popped up again real quick.
