New York City Preps For Nuclear Blast

New York

Democrat officials running New York City don’t want to alarm anyone and they aren’t saying that Vlad’s about to drop the big one. They just want everyone to know exactly what to do when Armageddon arrives. On Monday, they put out a nifty new public service announcement video telling the public exactly what to do in the unlikely event of a “nuclear weapon incident.”

New York ready for blast off

The city of New York casually released a new Public Service Announcement video on Monday, July 11. It went into production when Russian state media “claimed Putin could wipe out the US East Coast.” That’s just a coincidence, officials insist. China could do it too. So could Kim Jong Un.

So there’s been a nuclear attack. Don’t ask me how or why. Just know that the big one has hit. Okay. So what do we do?” The clip begins. “While the likelihood of a nuclear weapon incident occurring in/near New York City is very low, it is important New Yorkers know the steps to stay safe.

First of all, the New York spokesperson implies, if you’re coming to the realization that a nuke just went off in your vicinity, then you’re still alive. That’s a good thing. Step number one, check to see if you’re inside or outside. You may have started out inside but the wall blew off. Now you’re considered outside. Get somewhere else with walls.

Staying in a car is not an option,” she emphasizes. “Get inside, stay inside and stay tuned.” Communication may or may not be functioning but if it is, stay glued to it. They make sure to tell you how to sign up for phone alerts. Having a battery powered radio with both AM and FM and fresh batteries on hand is always a good idea. “Don’t go outside until officials say it’s safe.

If you were unlucky enough to be outside when the blast hit, you need to “get clean immediately. Remove and bag all outer clothing, to keep radioactive dust or ash away from your body.

If you have a basement, that’s the best place to be. Everyone else in New York City is advised to find the center of the building. Then, hope all the floors above it don’t come pancaking down. If that does happen, especially in the big skyscrapers, the victims will hardly notice it.

Don’t bother to duck and cover

The modern advice to nuclear survivors makes no mention of the duck and cover method so popular in earlier generations. By the time you notice the flash that’s too late anyway. All you have to do is park the car, stroll inside and sit tight until officials give the all clear.

By the end of the one minute commercial every citizen of New York knows exactly what to do. “Alright. You’ve got this.”

The liberal voters who elected these officials are soothed and assured that if nuclear disaster strikes, they’ll be just fine and officials will have the situation totally under control. Now, New York residents can watch the evening news without overdosing on anti-depressants.

New York

The rhetoric has been ramping up in intensity lately. The Russian version of Rush Limbaugh announced plans to wash the entire UK off the map with some Poseidon torpedoes and a really big tidal wave.

Vladimir Putin is reportedly in failing health with nothing left to lose. He might just consider it fitting to go out with a bang. A big nuclear Dr. Strangelove doomsday scenario. He threatened to push the button if anyone files war crimes charges against him over Ukraine, too. He told Joe Biden to look in the mirror at what Uncle Sam did to our own indigenous peoples before pointing the finger.

Vlad might decide to drop a few megatons on New York City like that big New Year’s ball right into the middle of Times Square. If he did, the buildings would collapse outward from the blast wave like a big pile of dominoes. The ones which didn’t melt will burst into flames. Try and get inside to wait for news alerts on your phone then. Officials don’t mind lying to you today, because they’re likely to be dead once everyone realizes it was just blowing smoke.

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